Homie on the Mountain

by J-Krafty

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Melanie A. "Crafty" might be the theme song for my life. Favorite track: Crafty.
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released December 29, 2013

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J-Krafty Boston, Massachusetts

J-Krafty is back and he's tracking down the Gangsta' of the Forest, Bigfoot. After crafting it up in the 'burbs, J-Krafty took a hiatus from his glue gun to track Sasquatch, studying the elusive, ballin' beast for months. In his latest release, Krafty shares his research, and educates Bigfoot-hatin' homies about the misunderstood playa of the forest. Listen up to "Bigfoot Likes the Ladies". ... more

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Track Name: Bigfoot Likes the Ladies
LYRICS

Big foot , gangsta of the forest kicks it low key
he got big feet but that’s not all I know – G
and he be keepin’ it cool, just like Cool Mo Dee
cause he’s the B, I, G, F, O, O, T

Always lookin’ retro got a pick in his ‘fro, see
mad ninja skillz, knows karate like Bruce Lee
generally bigger than the average homie,
he’s the B, I, G, F, O, O, T

Big foot always be strappin, an AK or a Glock
but he’s not clockin’ he don’t puff on the rock

when he’s huntin’ prey, he’ll be jumpin’ over fences

and just like Amy Tan he got a hundred secret senses

He climbs trees
he ain't afraid of Africanized bees
he might sneeze
but it only feel like a warm breeze
he got hair all over his body not just on his goatee,
he’s the B, I, G, F, O, O, T

Big Foot creepin’ in the forest deep, yeah
kickin’ back and straight gettin’ paid he’s
got much bigger feet than you or me and…

BIG FOOT LIKES THE LADIES

lady sasquach
now it’s time to turn off your stopwatch
and stop yourself from playing deep woods hopscotch
cause there’s a new gangsta, creepin’ in the woods
he got crazy big feet and he up to no good.

First time he sees you he’ll try and get your digits
then he’ll be textin’ you like every 15 minutes
and he’ll be brushin’ on his teeth and using mouthwash
bigfoot on the prowl for a fine lady sasquatch

He’ll take you back to his cave and make you some sushi
Then he’ll cook you up a nice steak that’s juicy
playin’ soft music for the madd tranquility, (uh huh)
lady bigfoots like to watch “Sense and Sensibility”

He be makin’ moves from the moment that you show up
hittin’ on you all night hopin that you blow up
you know he’ll be shampooing and conditioning his fur again
and bigfoot likes to cook cause he’s a crazy epicurean.

Big Foot creepin’ in the forest deep, yeah
kickin’ back and straight gettin’ paid he’s
got much bigger feet than you or me and…

BIG FOOT LIKES THE LADIES

Break it down for me people:

‘B’ to the ‘I’ to the ‘G’ to the ‘F’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘T’
‘B’ to the ‘I’ to the ‘G’ to the ‘F’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘T’
‘B’ to the ‘I’ to the ‘G’ to the ‘F’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘T’
wait a second yo…
‘S’ to the ‘A’ to the ‘S’ to the ‘Q’ to the ‘U’ to the ‘A’ to the ‘T C H’ come on,

Now some say he’s a player but I think he’s just playin’ a part cause
underneath he’s just a hairy gangsta with a sad heart
he’s a nice guy, but everyone says he’s a thug
he could do a drive-by, but it would be a drive-by hug

and if he disappeared tomorrow he’d be sorely missed
saddest thing of all is that some people think he don’t exist but..

Cryptozoologists they always be seekin’ him

And if you had a campsite, Big Foot might be sneakin’ in

Cause you may have a sleeping bag that he want to be sleepin’ in

And if the rain fell on your tent the water could be leakin’ in

Once upon a time there was a Big Foot lived in East Berlin

Caught behind the wall, it was German he was speakin’ in

Went out to a club Lady Sasquatches be freakin’ him

If he went to Biggy Boot Camp he would be sleek and trim

But I got mad respect for him, whenever we’re together,
He’s my BFFF…My Big Foot Friend Forever

Big Foot creepin’ in the forest deep, yeah
kickin’ back and straight gettin’ paid he’s
got much bigger feet than you or me and…

Big Foot creepin’ in the forest deep, yeah
kickin’ back and straight gettin’ paid he’s
got much bigger feet than you or me and…

BIG FOOT LIKES THE LADIES

----------
Track Name: Closest Thing to Prayin'
Closest Thing to Prayin'
Words and Music by Joe kowan

I was circumsised,
not by a doctor but by some old guy
with a black hat and a shaky hand
who rubbed his beard and drank a glass of wine.

But it's just as well,
cause half the world's already dammed to hell,
for taking the wrong kind of bath when they were kids,
Holy water under the bridge,
and it's just as well,

'Cause it don't hurt and I don't feel no pain,
sometimes when I (*beep*) -off I scream God's name in vain.
and that's the closest that I think I've come
and that's the closest that I think I've come
come to prayin'

I was not chosen by some other-worldly being
and when I saw the light, it came from
inside of my TV

and I will mention though it hurts me so to say,
that Moses parted the red sea and then he
joined the NRA.

And all the profits I have known,
are sponsored by the state and living in group homes,
given pills and electric shocks to clear the visions from
their brains.
and that's the closest that I think I've come
and that's the closest that I think I've come
come to prayin'

Hallelujah,
what's it to ya.
I can see right though ya.
and I don't care where i go to when I die
and I want to get a tattoo on my eye
of angels who have been consumed by flames.

I am not waiting for the savior to descend,
I asked my mom she said I can't be born again,
once was enough for her, and I will never ever understand
How in the name of G-d that people go and kill their fellow man.

Well I have hopes and I have dreams,
I love my friends with every molecule and follicle and gene,
Sometimes I look up to the moon and make a wish
I guess I'm sayin',
and that's the closest that I think I've come
and that's the closest that I think I've come
come to prayin'

Hallelujah,
what's it to ya.
I can see right though ya.
and I'll get on my knees and kiss the ground
cause when you sleep you hardly make a sound
and sometimes i'm afraid you've slipped away.

So when the light spills through the stained glass
windowpanes,
I'll know that beauty comes from ordinary folks
with swollen hearts and dreams of art
and when the sunlight hits the rain,

and that's the closest that I'll ever come
and that's the closest that I'll ever come
and that's the closest that I'll ever come
come to prayin'
Track Name: Crafty
LYRICS

I’m Crafty,
I got a scrapbook, and a glue stick, and a rug hook.
I got mad skills what you think about that
I’ll rotary cut you on my self healing mat.

I’m Crafty, I do what I like.
Got a deckle edge scissors and a lot of press type.
I use white glue to attach construction paper.
You know I got the moves like Dorothy Draper, I’m crafty.

I’m so crafty.
I’m so crafty.
I’m so crafty.

Why you be hating, on all my sponge painting.
And the crazy cool borders I’m creating.
Don’t give me crap, cause I ain’t havin’ it.
I’ll rock a crackle finish on my cabinet.

Crafty,
I knit on the subway,
I like to embroider and macramé.
And on a good day, I’ll stop and crochet.
Made a fresh doily for my friend José

Crafty.

I’m so crafty.
I’m so crafty.
I’m so crafty.

My name is Joe K. I’m the Craft Aggressor™,
Just look at what I make with a tongue depressor
or a lanyard, my box stitch is standard
always got an X-acto knife in my hand, word.

Chillin’ with my hot glue gun and ya know
when I pull the trigger, like my rhyme it flows,
I’ll hot glue a ribbon to a wreath or a basket,
glue a silk flower to my dead homie’s casket

now I’m going plug-free double G, cordless
got a second job, so I can afford this,
’cause my crafting is heartfealt.
And I’ll go crazy on your ass with hot melt.

I got me a can of spray glue,
and you know I use that stuff almost every day too,
And a special brush to apply gold leaf
put that junk in my mouth for some handmade gold teeth.

I like floral wire
my tape’s double sided
a tri-color ink pad
makes me the mac dad
bottle of glitter,
a magnetic sheet
I’ll be making memories up and down the street.

It’s around Christmas time the beginning of December
I be crafting handmade cards that you’ll remember
start with some paper, and a sharp pencil.
Then I go crazy airbrush with a stencil.
Hit it with a rubber stamp once, no twice
then drop the glitter to make it look real nice
glue on some ribbon, embroider some stiches
signed, “from Joe, happy holidays bitches”

I’m crafty.

I’m so crafty.
I’m so crafty.
I’m so crafty.

I work with Fimo, it came to me in a dream yo,
I made a pattern and I rolled it up like cookie dough
then I sliced it into pieces 2 dozen,
baked it at 350 in my toaster oven

I’m crafty,
you know I’m PC
But I’m not PG
I’ll rubber stamp thee.
Cut out a picture of a scene from the Bahamas
bust into your house and I decoupaged your mama
I’m crafty.

I’m so crafty.
I’m so crafty.
I’m so crafty.

I use white glue to attach construction paper.
You know I got the moves like Dorothy Draper.

I’m good with my hands if you know what I mean,
embroidered my sweater and bedazzled my jeans.

Don’t give me crap, cause I ain’t havin’ it.
I’ll rock a crackle finish on my cabinet.

Some say I won’t but you know that I will
make an iron-on tee shirt in my George Forman Grill

I glued little gems onto my belt buckle
then quilted a cozy for my brass knuckles

But you know I’m a crafter, and not a fighter
I’ll freestyle a shrinky dink with my lighter

I’m crafty.

------------
Track Name: Bigfoot Likes the Ladies
LYRICS

Player getting ready for a night in the forrest, sprayin’ on some Old Spice, and slickin’ back his fur.

Big foot , gangsta of the forest kicks it low key
he got big feet but that’s not all I know – G
and he be keepin’ it cool, just like Cool Mo Dee
cause he’s the B, I, G, F, O, O, T

Always lookin’ retro got a pick in his ‘fro, see
mad ninja skillz, knows karate like Bruce Lee
generally bigger than the average homie,
he’s the B, I, G, F, O, O, T

Big foot always be strappin, an AK or a Glock
but he’s not clockin’ he don’t puff on the rock

when he’s huntin’ prey, he’ll be jumpin’ over fences

and just like Amy Tan he got a hundred secret senses

He climbs trees
he ain't afraid of Africanized bees
he might sneeze
but it only feel like a warm breeze
he got hair all over his body not just on his goatee,
he’s the B, I, G, F, O, O, T

Big Foot creepin’ in the forest deep, yeah
kickin’ back and straight gettin’ paid he’s
got much bigger feet than you or me and…

BIG FOOT LIKES THE LADIES

lady sasquach
now it’s time to turn off your stopwatch
and stop yourself from playing deep woods hopscotch
cause there’s a new gangsta, creepin’ in the woods
he got crazy big feet and he up to no good.

First time he sees you he’ll try and get your digits
then he’ll be textin’ you like every 15 minutes
and he’ll be brushin’ on his teeth and using mouthwash
bigfoot on the prowl for a fine lady sasquatch

He’ll take you back to his cave and make you some sushi
Then he’ll cook you up a nice steak that’s juicy
playin’ soft music for the madd tranquility, (uh huh)
lady bigfoots like to watch “Sense and Sensibility”

He be makin’ moves from the moment that you show up
hittin’ on you all night hopin that you blow up
you know he’ll be shampooing and conditioning his fur again
and bigfoot likes to cook cause he’s a crazy epicurean.

Big Foot creepin’ in the forest deep, yeah
kickin’ back and straight gettin’ paid he’s
got much bigger feet than you or me and…

BIG FOOT LIKES THE LADIES

Break it down for me people:

‘B’ to the ‘I’ to the ‘G’ to the ‘F’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘T’
‘B’ to the ‘I’ to the ‘G’ to the ‘F’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘T’
‘B’ to the ‘I’ to the ‘G’ to the ‘F’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘O’ to the ‘T’
wait a second yo…
‘S’ to the ‘A’ to the ‘S’ to the ‘Q’ to the ‘U’ to the ‘A’ to the ‘T C H’ come on,

Now some say he’s a player but I think he’s just playin’ a part cause
underneath he’s just a hairy gangsta with a sad heart
he’s a nice guy, but everyone says he’s a thug
he could do a drive-by, but it would be a drive-by hug

and if he disappeared tomorrow he’d be sorely missed
saddest thing of all is that some people think he don’t exist but..

Cryptozoologists they always be seekin’ him

And if you had a campsite, Big Foot might be sneakin’ in

Cause you may have a sleeping bag that he want to be sleepin’ in

And if the rain fell on your tent the water could be leakin’ in

Once upon a time there was a Big Foot lived in East Berlin

Caught behind the wall, it was German he was speakin’ in

Went out to a club Lady Sasquatches be freakin’ him

If he went to Biggy Boot Camp he would be sleek and trim

But I got mad respect for him, whenever we’re together,
He’s my BFFF…My Big Foot Friend Forever

Big Foot creepin’ in the forest deep, yeah
kickin’ back and straight gettin’ paid he’s
got much bigger feet than you or me and…

Big Foot creepin’ in the forest deep, yeah
kickin’ back and straight gettin’ paid he’s
got much bigger feet than you or me and…

BIG FOOT LIKES THE LADIES

----------